How often should you wash 3A hair​

Facts are facts: Different curl types have different wash needs. “3A hair should be washed one to two times a week because overwashing can strip essential oils, leading to frizzy, dry strands,” explains Moore. If your hair craves a refresh in between wash days, O’Connor suggests co-washing, the practice of cleansing with a conditioner or a shampoo alternative. However, co-washing shouldn’t be a replacement for traditional shampoo sudsing.

On The Science of Beauty, cosmetic chemist Erica Douglas explains that co-washing involves using conditioner instead of shampoo to cleanse and remove hair buildup. Douglas says that you can use the conditioner you already have in your shower (mixing in a tiny bit of shampoo if you’d like), or you can buy a pre-made co-wash product, which typically contains a small amount of cleansing agent.

Type 3B

3B hair is made up of springy ringlets with a circumference similar to that of a Sharpie marker. This texture trends dry, so stay stocked with curl gels formulated with hydration-locking humectants, like hyaluronic acid, glycerin, (familiar skin-care ingredients that serve similar functions), and aloe vera extract to attract moisture.

Give the glycerin-rich Mielle Organics Honey & Ginger Styling Gel or the Curls Goddess Botanical Gel, another hydrating and defining pick. Word to the wise: “Apply when [your hair is] wet, so you’ll get definition without frizz,” urges Dickey.

3B Hair Type Frequently Asked Questions

How to take care of 3B hair

“The key to 3B hair is gentle handling, moisture, and using the right products to define and hydrate the curls,” says Moore. “Detangle using a brush, your fingers, or a wide-tooth comb on damp hair to prevent breakage.” She stresses the importance of trimming 3B hair every three to four months to nix split ends.

How to style 3B hair​

To style 3B hair, O’Connor recommends using a curl cream or gel on damp or wet hair before scrunching or diffusing to accentuate and hydrate curls. “It’s 100% better to apply any styling product—cream, gel, and/or mousse—on soaking wet hair,” Kiana Rae, curl specialist and owner of West Coast Curls in Los Angeles, tells Allure. “Curly hair is more prone to dryness, so we require so much water. Curl-friendly products are activated with water, so [they] won’t weigh our hair down.”

Type 3C

Type 3C curls resemble tight corkscrews with diameters comparable to straws or pencils. Strands are densely gathered, giving way to lots of natural volume. Frizziness is to be expected in 3C hair, so if you’re trying to mitigate fluff and flyaways, reach for a sulfate-free, non-drying, creamy cleanser like the Oyin Handmade Ginger Mint Co-Wash. Dickey also likes layering a mousse (such as the 2020 Best of Beauty-winning Rucker Roots Texture Styling Mousse) over a styling cream (like the Eden BodyWorks Coconut Shea Curl Defining Creme) when the hair is sopping wet to allow curls to clump together and form faster. “Your co-wash reveals your curl pattern, while your styling product captures [it],” Dickey explains.

Type 4 (Coily Hair)

Coily hair, commonly referred to as Afro-textured or kinky hair, type 4 is naturally very dry and spongy in texture and can be soft and fine or coarse and wiry. Strands form very tight, small curls of zig-zags right from the scalp and are prone to major shrinkage.

Key ingredients: tamarind seed, vitamin E, panthenol, hydrolyzed proteins | Who it’s for: all hair types | Fragrance-free: no

Best Customizable: Prose Custom Leave-In Conditioner

Why it’s worth it: Custom anything scratches a hard-to-reach itch in our brains, and the pros at Prose nail it every time. After a quick but comprehensive quiz about your hair—covering everything from your zip code (for determining hard water content) to oiliness tendencies to density and texture—the site whips up a leave-in conditioner formula tailored to your specific needs. No matter the make, you’ll get a bottle of heat protection up to 450°F, frizz control, and all-day shine. Once you meet your match, you can order a one-off to take your formula for a spin or subscribe for automatic refills.

Key ingredients: depends on your consultation (examples include oat oil, acacia collagen, pea protein, and fermented rice water) | Who it’s for: people who want custom care | Fragrance-free: optional

---

Frequently Asked Questions

What do leave-in conditioners do?

Leave-in conditioners are miracle workers for those of us perpetually in a rush—we may not have 15 minutes to wait for a hair mask to work its magic, but we still want to give our hair a little extra love. “Think of a leave-in conditioner as a balm that kind of does it all,” says Dimitris Giannetos, a Los Angeles-based hairstylist who works with celebrities like Camila Cabello and Jasmine Tookes, and considers moisturizing leave-ins a styling must. “They can tame flyaways and add shine—even if the hair is a bit dry or damaged,” Giannetos adds.

What ingredients should I look for in leave-in conditioners?

What’s shopping for a new hair-care product without considering chemistry? Cosmetic chemist Ginger King suggests ingredients like oils, fatty alcohols, and triglycerides that will “smooth the cuticles and keep the hair in place.” For detangling in particular, King notes that compounds like quaternium 4, 7, and 11 work well (and to look out for ingredient names that start with quaternium or polyquaternium).

Mona Gohara, MD, a board-certified dermatologist based in Connecticut, notes that humectants like hyaluronic acid in hair care can be key. “[Hyaluronic acid] revives dry strands and restores softness in just one minute,” she tells Allure. “Just like your skin, your hair loses moisture daily—from heat styling, environmental stressors, and even washing. Without proper hydration, it becomes dry, brittle, and prone to breakage.”

Meet the experts

How we test and review products

We always enlist a range of testers for our makeup vertical, but hair-care products and tools are another story. While there are certainly products that can be used across different hair textures, lengths, curl patterns, thicknesses, colors (natural and unnatural), and needs, hair products are often created with specific consumers in mind. Many are created in order to address a concern (dandruff, breakage, brittleness) or to work most effectively for a specific hair type (4C curls, wavy hair, gray hair). You wouldn’t want to pick up a purple shampoo that’s only been reviewed by someone with, say, auburn hair, or a diffuser that’s never been tested by anyone with curls—right?

“You’ll be surprised to hear that I don’t wear makeup to the office. That’s because I am all about skin. My main focus is preserving the amazing skin that I have with preventative treatments (RF microneedling) and skin-care products (retinol). When the whole high-maintenance-to-be-low-maintenance convo kicked off on TikTok, I felt I had finally found my beauty cohort. As a Leo, I’m also really into big, healthy hair, which means I never miss a trim appointment. I always go for deep conditioner and scalp scrub, and I rely on wigs as a protective style if I want a completely new look.”
– Jessica Cruel, editor in chief

Dear reader, I cannot write about Selena Gomez‘s latest look without drawing attention to my age, which is… older than Selena Gomez. I’m turning 46 in a couple of months, OK? I’m only calling that out because I need to establish myself as an unimpeachable expert on being a teen in the ‘90s and because everything about Gomez’s hair, nails, outfit, and accessories are basically straight out of my aesthetic when I was 16.

It pains me to think that Gomez’s beauty and style inspiration in her latest Instagram post comes from 30 years ago—in my mind, 1995 is 10 years ago—but what doesn’t pain me is how flawlessly she’s executing the look. I speak from first-hand experience when I say that she has completely nailed the early Delia’s catalog vibe with her bow-print tank top and chokers.

But it’s Gomez’s beauty details that are really bringing me back, specifically to my 16th birthday sleepover, at which all four besties—and myself—wore our hair parted in the middle and held in place with high-set barrettes, just like Emilia Pérez star is doing with her white triangle snap clips.

Her bright blue nails are also so mid-’90s, and really had to be there to understand why. Although blue nail polish is no big deal nowadays, the ’90s were pretty much the first time people started really experimenting with nontraditional polish shades. So when you used your part-time job money to purchase a blue nail polish, you felt like a total rebel.

When Angela Holliday-Bell, MD, was in medical school, she stopped being able to sleep. “Every part of my life was suffering,” she says. “I was stressed and irritable, work was really difficult, my relationships were strained.” She decided to read “every book there was” about sleep, work in the sleep clinic at her hospital, and fix her relationship with slumber. Now board-certified in pediatrics and clinical sleep health, Dr. Holliday-Bell has completely revamped her sleep habits and helps others do the same. “I really like to make my bedtime routine an indulgent process. It’s something that I look forward to,” she says. According to Dr. Holliday-Bell, you may feel the benefits of these changes the very first evening you incorporate them—so why not start tonight?

Change the lightscape.

Your sleep routine should begin about an hour before bedtime, she says. For Dr. Holliday-Bell, bedtime is at 10 p.m., so when the clock strikes nine, she dims all the lights in her house. “In decreasing the amount of light exposure, I’m getting the signal to my brain that it’s time to prepare for bed and to stimulate melatonin,” she says. She’s also set her phone to automatically turn on Do Not Disturb mode at nine, which cuts down the temptation to look at the screen.

Set the mood.

If you have a good morning, get-ready-for-work playlist that pumps you up, consider making a bedtime version. Every evening, Dr. Holliday-Bell turns on soothing music that, she says, “makes me feel good as I’m winding down.” She fires up the playlist and a few candles (ones with notes of lavender are her favorite) to enhance the relaxing ambiance. With the music on and the soothing scents wafting in, she does her skin-care routine and brushes her teeth.

Settle your mind.

About 15 minutes before her strict 10 p.m. bedtime—with her phone tucked way out of reach on a charger—she cracks open a book, which helps destress her after the day and distract her from any lingering anxiety. If she’s had a particularly rough day, she’ll then use a sleep meditation app that “takes me through breathing exercises, to relax and distract my thoughts from whatever happened,” she says.

Choose the right accessories.

Dr. Holliday-Bell swears by a few must-have sleep accessories: a fan, red light, and blackout sleep mask.

Before she gets into bed, she turns on a fan for white noise—she even has a miniature version that she brings with her on the road. She also switches on a red light, which some small studies have found might “promote natural melatonin release.” The light (she uses this one from Helight) is on a sleep timer, so after 28 minutes—at which point she’s soundly asleep—it turns off.

When she’s ready to put down her book and start to doze off, she slips on the blackout sleep mask. Her trio of accessories are “positive sleep associations”, which means she connects them to a good night’s rest. They can help improve the ability to fall and stay asleep, due in part to that emotional association. Their physical qualities help too, though: “[The mask] also, of course, blocks out all the lights so it makes it easier to sleep.” She brings it and a portable fan with her even when she’s on the road, to help make sleeping in hotel rooms easier.

Then do it again tomorrow.

I asked Dr. Holliday-Bell how long it might take for these positive bedtime routine changes to take effect, expecting the answer to be at least a few weeks. And while she acknowledges the widely-repeated stat that it takes 21 days to solidify a habit, she also says that the impact of healthier sleep habits can be pretty immediate. “Doing the proper things even in one night can make a big difference,” she says. Of course, just because you know something will improve your quality of life doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do. Don’t stress if it takes some time to settle into your new routine; just trust that, if you stick with it, the steps will become second nature over time. For Dr. Holliday-Bell, going tech-free for an hour before bed was difficult at first. “I would tell myself ‘OK, I’m not going to be on my phone’, and then I found myself grabbing my phone.” Even sleep experts have a hard time staying off Instagram. But thanks to the advent of automatic Do Not Disturb mode and force of habit she conquered the challenge — and her insomnia. If you’re reading this after 10 p.m., chances are, she’s already asleep.

I’ll admit, sheepishly, that one calendar year ago, I was not exceptional at doing my own makeup. I’d improved since college when I colored my brows daily with generous scribbles of off-black eyeliner pencil, and September 2023, when I attended a lavish destination wedding armed with just four products. Through it all, I knew there was room to grow. So when my boyfriend was nominated for a Grammy in the best musical theater album category, I knew it was time to put my year-and-a-half of gratis makeup-receiving, expert-insight-gathering, product-scouring, and colleague-inspired beauty know-how to work.

The thing is—since junior year prom, I’ve been showing makeup artists this image of Kat Dennings on the red carpet at the 2013 Television Critic Association’s Summer Press Tour (an event that I’m totally familiar with and definitely know anything about at all) for beauty inspo. Her dark nude lip, soft orangey-brown eyeshadow, peachy blush, and smoky, burnt umber bottom liner? Influencer-chef’s kiss.

So, as I unzipped my cosmetics bag, I thought of the blush era ushered in by Sabrina Carpenter, and the understated glowiness of Gracie Abrams’s glam. My predecessors. My foremothers, from whom I was soon to be feet away (a lot of feet away) at the Crypto.com Arena. I may not have been allowed on the red carpet (cause I looked too good?), but I was allowed in front of the mirror at the Courtyard Marriott, and, dammit, was I about to do some makeup—even if I forgot my primer, setting spray, and brow pencil in Brooklyn.

Here’s my Grammys GWRM, step-by-step:

Benefit’s Boi-ing Bright On Brightening Undereye Concealer

I started by applying Benefit’s Boi-ing Bright On Brightening Undereye Concealer in the shade Lychee. I read that undereye concealer is dead, but on Sunday night, she was exhumed. I blended by tapping with a barely damp beauty sponge.

Tarte Creaseless Setting and Brightening Powder

Next, I locked things in with the Tarte Creaseless Setting and Brightening Powder in Cool Pink. Amazonian clay helps it stay put for up to 16 hours. It’s for the undereyes, but I dusted a little across my whole face once I wrapped up the rest of my look.

Beaubble Berry Freckle Pen

I’ll admit it, I love a faux-freckle, and the Beaubble Berry Freckle Pen does a great job mimicking the real thing. I like that the felt tip is a bit wider than some of the more popular options, so it ends up looking more natural—especially after I tapped at them a bit with my finger to soften the pigment. Psst: Hailey Bieber uses this, too.

Kosas Air Brow Clear

Onto brows, my favorite part. I reached for my Kosas Air Brow in Clear and brushed out each tiny hairlette (new word just dropped). This stuff never gets crusty, which is huge. I also put some in my BF’s brows because brow gel is for everyone.

Kulfi Beauty Zari Eyes Eyeshadow

I applied Kulfi’s Zari Eyes in the shade Auburn Aura. It’s a subtly glittery, cream-to-powder situation that seriously stays put. In fact, it ended up being the longest-lasting part of the whole operation.

Clinique The Best Of Black Honey All About Shadow Palette

I used Clinique’s The Best Of Black Honey All About Shadow Palette for a soft eyeliner look. I used the accompanying, dual-ended, spongy brush to apply the brownish-purple shadow, which I thought complimented my lids nicely.

Tarte Tartelette Tubing Mascara

To accentuate my lashes, I used the Tartelette Tubing Mascara, another Tarte favorite. I only do brown mascara, and this is a good one. Never, ever, ever smudgy.

Saie Dew Blush

Saie’s Dew Blush in Rosy, a muted peachy pink, was next, which I blended in with a blush brush. I also used the discontinued Saie Dew Balm (still sad about it) for highlighter. The next best thing is Saie’s Glowy Super Gel (which won a 2024 Best of Beauty Award).

Ilia Lip Sketch Hydrating Crayon

I went in with Ilia’s Lip Sketch in Mauve Brown to line my lips. Sooo creamy and hydrating. Thank you, hyaluronic acid.

Ilia Balmy Tint Hydrating Lip Balm

Then I went with another Ilia fave—Balmy Tint in Faded—which I’ll venture to say is much more lipstick than balm because it packs a punch. Still, it’s super comfortable to wear because it’s hydrating. Last but not least, I reached for the Clinique Black Honey Lip + Cheek Oil, which looks as good as it feels and features conditioning safflower oil, jojoba oil, olive oil, sunflower seed oil, and castor oil. I may have just discovered my new signature lip combo,

In 25 minutes, I’d achieved my glam. And you know what? I think it looked pretty darn good. The soft, rosy-orangey aesthetic I’ve eyed on Miss Dennings since 2013 was finally mine, by my hand. I weirdly didn’t listen to a lick of music while I did it (I was nervous), but my focus was unparalleled. And after a year-and-a-half of click-clacking my keyboard at Allure, it felt excellent to see what I’d learned since the days of my four-product routine. I texted a picture of my results to fellow commerce team member Sarah Hoffmann, who emphatically approved—and that woman can do a face of makeup if I’ve ever seen one.

I slipped into my dress and heels, admired my hot, talented boyfriend (of whom I am enormously proud), and trotted over to the Crypto.com Arena, where we got to watch incredible performances by Doechii, Chappell Roan, Charli XCX, and so many more. My makeup didn’t budge, and I’m pretty sure my memory of the night won’t either. See what I did there? Cute.

Editor tip: “Cleansers can be a great way of adding exfoliating ingredients because these ingredients can still be effective with relatively brief contact,” says Dr. King. For example, “Alpha hydroxy acids can be helpful for addressing age spots, fine lines, and dullness,” she adds.

Key ingredients: lactic acid, glycolic acid, citric acid, malic acid, salicylic acid | Fragrance-free: yes

Best for Dry Skin: Philosophy Purity Made Simple One-Step Facial Cleanser

Why we love it: “Philosophy’s Purity Made Simple One-Step Facial Cleanser is a standout for mature skin because it gently removes dirt, oil, and makeup without stripping the skin,” says Dr. Amin. “This dual cleansing system does the job—cleaning thoroughly while keeping your skin hydrated, thanks to glycerin and meadowfoam seed oil.” It provides a deep clean while leaving the skin refreshed and hydrated, making it a great option for addressing common concerns like dryness and dullness,” she says. The texture is silky and lotion-like—delicately gentle and pleasant, with a subtle, fresh scent that’s light and never overpowering.

Editor tip: Meadowfoam seed oil is lightweight yet deeply nourishing. It mimics your skin’s natural lipids to keep it soft and hydrated.

Key ingredients: glycerin, meadowfoam seed oil | Fragrance-free: yes

Best for Sensitive Skin: CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser

Why we love it: CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser, one of the OG products when the drugstore brand launched 20 years ago, was created with a mission to focus on what matters: keeping your skin barrier happy. Packed with three essential ceramides, hydrating hyaluronic acid, and a creamy, non-foaming texture, it gently cleanses while locking in moisture. It’s no wonder derms still swear by it. “This gentle formula is amazing for supporting the skin barrier, plus, it’s affordable, accessible, and fragrance-free—a win for mature skin that is sensitive or dry,” says Dr. Collins.

Editor’s tip: Hyaluronic acid is essential for maintaining your skin’s moisture levels. It helps your skin stay smooth, hydrated, and plump.

Key ingredients: ceramide, hyaluronic acid | Fragrance-free: yes

---

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the best facial cleanser for mature skin?

The best facial cleanser for mature skin should check off a few boxes—namely, they should “prioritize hydration, barrier support, and gentle cleansing,” says Kristina Collins, MD, a double board-certified dermatologist based in Austin, who cites ingredients such as hyaluronic acid, ceramides, and peptides, as well as green tea extract and vitamin E for antioxidant protection. “Cream cleansers and oil-based formulations are ideal as they effectively remove impurities without stripping natural oils,” she adds.

What should an older woman wash her face with?

As your skin gets older (and wiser!), it needs a little extra TLC in the cleansing department to keep it looking and feeling its best. Natural oil production decreases, leading to dryness and a weakened skin barrier, so older women benefit from using hydrating cleansers to restore moisture. Dullness becomes more noticeable as cell turnover slows, so incorporating a cleanser with mild alpha hydroxy acids (AHAs) like glycolic or lactic acid can help gently exfoliate and reveal brighter, smoother skin. “Those with mature skin should avoid sulfates like sodium lauryl sulfate, harsh alcohols, and high concentrations of acids, as they can strip moisture and exacerbate dryness or sensitivity,” says Dr. Collins.

What is a good skin-care routine for mature skin?

A solid skin-care routine for mature skin focuses on three key things: hydration, protection, and repair. According to Dr. Collins, your morning routine should include a cream or oil-based cleanser to gently remove impurities, followed by an antioxidant serum, like vitamin C, to brighten skin and fight free radicals. Afterward, apply a moisturizer to hydrate and finish with a broad-spectrum sunscreen (with SPF 30 or more) to shield against UV damage.

First Aid Beauty, which was acquired by Procter & Gamble in 2018, has issued a voluntary recall of a version of one of its most popular products: the coconut-vanilla-scented version of Ultra Repair Cream. The recall went into effect on December 23 and does not pertain to the fragrance-free version of Ultra Repair Cream, which has won both an Allure Best of Beauty Award and a Readers’ Choice Award.

It specifically affects 2,756 jars within two lots of the coconut vanilla Ultra Repair Cream: 24D44 (which expires April 10, 2026) and 24D45 (which expires April 11, 2026). You can find these lot numbers on the packaging. According to a report from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the jars were recalled because “product intended for quarantine was inadvertently distributed.”

The FDA classifies the recall as Class II, the second-highest risk classification. The agency defines this as “a situation in which use of, or exposure to, a violative product may cause temporary or medically reversible adverse health consequences or where the probability of serious adverse health consequences is remote.” The report does not go into detail about what exactly merited this classification; as of publication, the brand has not shared the reason the lots were “intended for quarantine” and has yet to respond to Allure‘s inquiry about those details.

Although the FDA does not pre-approve cosmetic products before they hit shelves, it does have the authority to regulate cosmetics in order to help ensure their safety. And because the Ultra Repair Cream contains the active ingredient colloidal oatmeal, intended to treat eczema, it’s considered both a cosmetic and a drug.

First Aid Beauty provided a statement to Allure via a representative: “We voluntarily recalled a specific variant of our Ultra Repair Cream—Coconut Vanilla—sold exclusively on FirstAidBeauty.com. This was one particular variant. No other First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Creams are impacted. We’ve already reached out to the few customers who purchased the Coconut Vanilla Ultra Repair Cream and sent replacements,” the statement reads. “We know that the word ‘recall’ can feel unsettling, but we assure you that this product met quality standards. We strive to ensure all consumers have the best possible experience with our products.”

Editor’s tip: The formulation is non-comedogenic, alcohol-free, oil-free, astringent-free, and fragrance-free making it a safe choice for hyper-reactive skin types.

Key ingredients: niacinamide, ceramides, hyaluronic acid | Fragrance-free: yes

---

Frequently Asked Questions

Should I use toner on mature skin?

While toners are not always a necessary addition to your skincare routine, mature skin can benefit from a formula that supports your skin barrier while addressing skin concerns that come with aging, explains Dr. Rambhia. “Look for toners containing hydrating ingredients like glycerin and hyaluronic acid, which help maintain moisture levels as skin’s natural retention decreases with age,” she says, adding that other ingredients to look for include niacinamide, peptides, ceramides, and antioxidants. Dr. Lal and Dr. Rambhia both agree to avoid any formula that contains alcohol as it will cause and exacerbate dryness.

What is the best toner for a 50-year-old woman?

“Remember, at this age, less is more,” says Dr. Rambhia, who adds that you want to focus on nurturing your skin rather than aggressive exfoliation. Collagen, the key protein responsible for skin’s firmness, elasticity, and moisture retention, begins to decline at 20. Studies show that women lose 30 percent of collagen during the first five years of menopause, with levels continuing to drop gradually afterward. Because of this, Dr. Rambhia says that someone in their fifties should look for a toner that focuses on replenishing and supporting their skin with hydrating glycerin and hyaluronic acid, barrier-strengthening ceramides, collagen-boosting peptides, and antioxidants to combat environmental damage.

Who should not use toner?

There is no age too old for a toner, according to Dr. Lal. That said, he explains that if you adequately cleanse, you may not find a need in your skincare routine for one. Evaluate your skin: “If it’s healthy and balanced without a toner, there’s no need to introduce one into your routine,” says Dr. Rambhia, adding that some people’s skin simply functions better with a minimalist approach.

As for who should definitely not use one, Dr. Rhambhia advises patients with compromised skin barriers, active eczema, or severe acne or rosacea to skip toners entirely, as even gentle formulations can disrupt the delicate balance of their skin. “Those using multiple active ingredients like retinoids or prescription medications should also be cautious, as adding a toner might lead to irritation or sensitivity,” she says.

Meet the experts

• Pooja Rambhia, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in New York, NY.
• Karan Lal, DO, a board-certified dermatologist in Scottsdale, AZ, and New York, NY.

How we test and review products

When Allure tests a product, our editors look at it from every angle in an effort to best serve you. We are particularly discerning when writing about skin-care devices. This is because of the increased risks and, in many cases, the high price points, that accompany at-home dermatological tools and devices.

I panicked one day when I saw an ad from the supplement company Solaray that read “Food is not enough.” My doctors had told me to eliminate most vitamins, and to get all of my nutrients from food instead. I visited Solaray’s website and discovered the tagline refers to research showing that most Americans are not getting enough vital nutrients like calcium, vitamin D, iron, and folate. However, many of the studies they reference speak more to the imbalance of the American diet and the foods people eat, rather than a lack of nutrients in healthy foods.

Health is nuanced, and that message gets lost in today’s headline-happy world. Complex topics are reduced to rage-baiting headlines, then content creators make short clips that paraphrase them. The result can be a misleading game of telephone. And when you’re living through an illness—and will do anything to feel better or get healthier—you’re vulnerable to the advice that so many strangers are more than happy to give you online. The Internet empowers people to feel entitled to dole out medical guidance but, as Lesse points out, a one-size-fits-all approach rarely works for anyone. “One supplement that might be good for you might not be good for somebody else,” she says. “I think back to a lot of the supplements I was taking before I was diagnosed and I probably should’ve been speaking with [a doctor] about that.” [Allure recommends consulting with your doctor before taking any supplements.]

The prevalence of Internet “experts” can lead to some uncomfortable conversations. “In the last few years I have really noticed the rise in a narrative about autoimmune diseases in particular—that they affect women significantly more because women bear the weight of care, trauma, selflessness etc.,” shares Erika. “My boss sent me a clip of [Canadian doctor and trauma expert] Gabor Mate speaking about this, and now I can tell she thinks my disease is a result of past traumas and burdens in my life. The narrative that something happened to me or I did something to cause the disease is wrong, and wholly unhelpful for me personally.”

Post-diagnosis, the author keeps things simple: daily exercise, good sleep (without mouth tape or sleep apps), and a diet of mostly whole foods.

Courtesy of Sue Williamson

There also isn’t a clear definition of what wellness is in today’s world. It’s everything and everywhere—and it’s nothing at all. “Before I was diagnosed with M.S., I thought of wellness as the spa,” says Erica Lieurke, the founder of the Monarch Los Angeles hair salon, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2017. Lieurke used to particularly enjoy a sauna session as part of her self-care, but M.S. is triggered by heat so she can’t visit them anymore. “I feel excluded from spas in general now,” she says. “I can’t do massages because the left side of my body is numb. Even acupuncture isn’t pleasurable for me because I have so much neuropathy.”

People experiencing illness can have limited options for health reasons, but they’re also denied services that they want and need. I’ve experienced this firsthand: My surgeon recommended lymphatic drainage to help reduce swelling from my lymph node removal—and provided me with a doctors’ note for the massage therapist—but the moment I mentioned my diagnosis, I was rejected by three spas: “No, we can’t treat you.” “No, you can’t use our products.” “No, our service isn’t for you.” I left confused.

Lesse experienced a similar situation when her doctor suggested she get a massage to relieve stress. She booked an appointment and noted her diagnosis on the intake form, but when she settled into the treatment room her therapist informed her she couldn’t stay. “I was like, ‘Wait, what? My back is in pain and I’m so stressed out. I just want to relax,’” she says. “I explained that my doctor gave me approval to get a massage, but the therapist told me that she couldn’t do it because she didn’t want to spread my cancer. I left crying and cried probably more than I did my entire treatment period. I felt so unseen and disrespected and just misunderstood.” There is no scientific evidence that massage spreads cancer, and many oncologists recommend massages to help patients relax. Still, cancer patients regularly report being turned away.